Change.. gah

So I’ve kindof been avoiding blogging for a while. My first excuse was school, then finals came, and then I decided I should be spending every minute outside in the sun rather than typing out my life story. The truth is I haven’t wanted to blog because I have been trying to shut out reality. However, now that I’ve gotten over myself and my life, I am ready to write again! Furthermore, I am committing to blogging at least once a week for the summer!

Lately my birthday has been on my mind. July 15^th cannot come soon enough because I will finally be the big 2-1 (emphasis on big). If you knew me at all, you would expect me to be a little worried about this transition, as I freak out with the slightest bit of change. This may sound silly, but twenty-one years old sounds SO OLD to me. I’m not sure if I’m mentally/emotionally ready to handle the world. Thankfully, I am still in school, which definitely shelters me a LOT and I can sweep my anxiety under the rug for another year or so until I graduate. Growing up has never hit me so hard. The transition to college was simple because it was pretty much exactly the same as Carondelet, and everything else I’d like to say I have taken with confidence and an eager attitude.

These next couple years though will not have the seamless transitions that I am comfortable making. For instance, once I graduate, I will have to pay my own bills (I can only mooch off of my parents for so long), find a place to live, and find a job. AND maintain a social life! Recently, I was talking about my 1, 5, and 10 year goals at work. News flash: 10 year goals are REALLY intimidating. Especially for a person who has been resisting the urge to “grow up” for her entire life. Jeez. Nonetheless, my goal coaching session went well, thanks to the wise words of Kathryn, who guided me through a discussion about my future. Growing up still freaks me out, but I know everything will be okay because I have been surrounding myself with awesome and inspiring people.

Speaking to that, I have recently experienced a revelation that I have been putting certain people on a pedestal, making my perception of them as flawless beings who can manipulate me at the snap of a finger. Well, could manipulate me at the snap of a finger. I am proud to say that I am backing away very s-l-o-w-l-y from those people mentioned above. It’s about time that I start taking a stand for myself and not avoiding conflict like the plague. Insert Jeez #2. Anyway, now that I have a completely refreshed outlook on life and on how I perceive people, I feel great. Change is inevitable and I have to come to welcome as I would a best friend.

So I guess this entry is a little scattered, what else is new. I went from being sad about life, to being scared about turning 21, and ended with my “revelation.” Oh, and one final piece that I would like to add is… I miss Bianca and Rei! They have been my wingmen all year and I was so sad to see them leave Portland. Bianca, if you read this: I hope you’re having the best time in Espana, knock them dead! And as for Rei: she is either 1. Sleeping (most likely) 2. Eating or 3. Wearing googely goggles. Love you!